Ninth Post

If I could, would I......

...spend my years learning the languages I want to learn in the places they're spoken?

Spanish in South America
Korean in South Korea
Japanese in Japan
German in Germany
French in France
Russian in Russia maybe not for this one LOL
Vietnamese in Vietnam
Chinese in Taiwan
Thai in Thailand

Learning languages organically
with the native speakers
meeting native beaus and babes

far from home
so I roam

perhaps the distance will make the hearts of my family members grow fonder

I'm sorry, my mother. I need to grow up and I can't always be by your side.
I am no longer the innocent, naive child you grew to adore, and stop treating me like how a mother treats her toddler.


...work in entertainment such as acting?

I need to tap into my looks and make my life rich in experiences with others, far from the junk that is my current life and the people I have been acquainted with in the past months.


...settle down in another country like suburban America?

To be living in a detached house with kids running around, and friendly people all around town, to experience the neighbourly camaraderie that is portrayed in Western romanticised media.


All these, while being watched over, protected and blessed by God, far from the toxicity of inactivity, sloth, childishness and incorrigibility that I regularly withstand at home.

Samuel

Labels: 2017, thoughts

Eighth Post

Withdrawal, withdrawal......

Occasionally, I will think of wanting to live life like Steven would. I mean, he had a lot of self-control, one of the chastest person ever as far as I know. I, on the other hand, lack self-control...... even when I have been "clean" for a week or two or three, withdrawal chokes me and I succumb to the physiological waterboarding...... x(

Steven is also righteous and healthy, aesthetically superior........................... oh, however can I attain such a state?

Well, lately I injured my toe which halted my exercise regime, coupled with my pig's lifestyle in the past two weeks...... my abs have been hibernating under the blanket of belly fat and now my moobies are mobilising. Geez, this sucks.

Anyway, just two more months before I have to go to Bangkok. Hopefully my academic plans will be fine and dandy. God, may I be protected from those who may come to corrupt me.

I've lately finished a Tamil video series (81 videos in all) and now I can read Tamil fully! (Kinda mostly) And now I will focus on Tamil and exercising (?), I guess.

I don't know. How do I live like Steven? STEVEN IF YOU ARE READING THIS I HOPE I WON'T SEEM LIKE SOME KIND OF PERSON WHO "NEEDS HELP", IT IS JUST THAT I ADMIRE YOUR LIFESTYLE AND I THINK YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS VERY WORTH EMULATING.

I guess the more proper way is to live like Samuel but incorporate the compassion of Steven and some other qualities, don't you think? I mean, it's impossible to "live like Steven" fully.


Oh, yea, I had wanted to blog about this, actually.

So, a date to me is a meeting whose purpose is to further romantic interests. I have regarded most of my meet-ups with people as "non-dates", but lately I have been tempted to let one such meet-up be considered a "date". You see, I recently got to know this Vietnamese guy (two years younger) whose English is WOWWWW PERFECTO and his face is like WOWWWWWW HANDSOME FACE SIAAAAAA. He also laughs at my stupid, lame-ass jokes and seems like a very nice person. The last time we met, we had dinner at this really nice Thai restaurant called Lotus Thai along Jalan Besar...... SOOOOOOO DELICIOUSSSS.

Sigh, to be honest, he's reaaaaaaaallllllllyyyy attractive, and I sure wouldn't mind getting to know him more and more, but putting myself in this emotionally vulnerable state where I am open to furthering romantic interests has been draining me mentally. I get soo, soo tired and then I start acting up. It's not his fault, it's just me... I'm not used to "dating", I guess. It is reminiscent of the guy in the First Post where I was drained emotionally and mentally.

This also made me think of my future. If I am going to date a girl, will I be so emotionally drained too? Will I be able to keep the relationship going fine and dandy? Will my fatigue hurt my girlfriend and me? WILL I BE ABLE TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND AND HUSBAND AND FATHER IN FUTURE? ;__;

Maybe I'm missing the bigger picture. Maybe I should be living with God more often. Maybe my problems can be more easily solved if I just go back onto the right path. It is all so simple..........................................

Alright. That's enough. Have a good day, everyone ^^

Samuel

Labels: 2017