Twelfth Post

I dreamt that I went back to Singapore. Unfortunately, I was mad at my mom because she changed Thai baht for me at a lousy rate......
I also dreamt that I lost some of my teeth. Geez, you know those dreams, right? You spent time fixing your teeth and then they're damaged because maybe someone punched you or because of some accident. That's just permanent disfigurement and a load of pain to restore what was lost.

I swiped someone on Tinder more than a year ago and I just got to meet him when he visited Bangkok! ^^
It's just marvelous how someone can have such good genes. His face was just FLAWLESS.
We had Chu Chocolate Bar and Restaurant near Chong Nonsi BTS station... and then we went to JJ Green with another friend of his, Dexter.

Alas, the memories of Max and Sphinx came flooding back.

It was raining the day we went to Chatuchak. We had wanted to visit the Weekend Market but it was pouring, and we went in the late afternoon, so we settled for JJ Green which was a night market near the Weekend Market. In our time there, we had some nice food which the three of us shared:

I bought some yum mama (instant noodles cooked in a sweet-sour-spicy style) while Max bought this fried ice-cream


Max also bought some lego to build two Pokémon. We spent the morning fixing it amidst strewn pubic hair on the floor LOL


Alas, it was the Sunday Max had to leave to spend time with his father. I cooked some scrambled eggs for him, P'Tew and Sphinx


I couldn't believe it. Max was the first Singaporean friend to visit me after I've touched down in Bangkok. I spent so much time using Singlish with him that he invoked in me my Singaporean spirit, and now that he had to leave me alone dangling.................................. it was too much to bear. Not to mention how Sphinx acted kind of like my actions were unappreciated.
I just broke down and cried.
I couldn't stop...... why? Why did you have to leave me?
Why must I be alone again?
...... I guess that's the price one pays for studying abroad.
I sobbed and tried to breathe while Sphinx sat and comforted me. I didn't reveal, though, that he was part of the reason why I was tearing.

........................... I'm good at confronting people for the wrongs they've done, but not when it deals with my emotions. Hais

Anyway, Sphinx accompanied me until the Monday to take care of me and spend time with me. I was lucky to not be alone. Alas...... he had to leave too, eventually.

While I'm on the topic of Max's visit to Bangkok before his patriotic incarceration national obligations, here are some pictures taken from the album by Sphinx and me while Max was here:

Penne with pesto at Chu

Sphinx took this photo. What I was doing was actually hiding my sadness because I felt hurt by the lack of appreciation. Perhaps it looked nice, nonetheless.


We went to the Bangkok Art and Culture Centre one day. I had a bag along which I could not bring into the exhibition area, so I told Sphinx and Max to go on ahead while I sat outside. Sphinx very kindly took pictures and sent them to me so that I could partake in the viewing of the exhibitions. It was a verryyy, verrrrryyyyyyy nice gesture =]


One night, we were all at Silom (I think after coming back from JJ Green). Max stopped along the pavement to buy some greeting cards with foldings. Guess who took this picture? ;)

Luckily for us who had no idea what to do next, we stumbled upon this very beautiful cat cafe called Cat Up Café [ which has unfortunately closed down last November ;( ]


Waffles as the entry fee. It was quite affordable and also delicious ^^


Sphinx with a kitty cat

Aww, the cat fell asleep in his lap ^^


Guess who snapped this peekchure? ;) featuring Max's พุง







Yea. That's about it. It was nice while it lasted......

Samuel

Labels: 2018, dreams, iwnwil, outing, sad, thailand

Eleventh Post

It's a new year
yet I feel fear
the heavy workloads loom
foreshadowing mental doom

Lately my mind has been in a state of dread
a state of depression, a sombre sad
the temporal memories of joy always lead
to an eventual realisation, an emotional seed
sown into the dirt of my mind
fertile with hurt and dejection over time
soon the shoot will sprout, grey leaves will grow
developing into a hollow tree while the roots reach low
seasoned it bears fruit, a throbbing flesh of pain
better to be pecked by crows than feel again
but the circle of life forgives not
the undigested feelings fall back onto the soil, not rot
watered with lonely tears, warmed in mire
the air of gloom brings life to the fire
singeing my nerves, charring my walls,
choked by regrets, sorrow and all
the thoughts of everything that transpired
immolated my crimson chamber, the will to respire
into ashes
so life dashes
dispersed by the winds of time
as I fade out of existence




Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually cut out for further studies in Linguistics.
It seems like I'm a perpetual letdown. I let the teachers who wrote my recommendation letters down. I let these Thai lecturers down. I let my family and friends down. I let myself down.
I even let God down.

All because of one person I let myself become so attached to. Yes, I am acknowledging my problem.

Never had I spent a birthday alone. I was cooped up at home all day. In the last six hours of 4th Jan, I went to sleep and dreamt. I was accompanied more in my dreams than in reality.

Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from my ex. I should just dispose of all the belongings left behind in my house, so that I would not have to be constantly reminded of that person.
I would not have to be constantly haunted by thoughts of that person.
After all, a unilateral decision was made to ignore me regardless of the state of maturity.
Perhaps it's for the best since I'm trying to interact with more females now. In view of this, perhaps I should not indulge in this myopic depression.
I don't know......

Samuel

Labels: 2018, disappointment, thailand