Thirteenth Post

In my twenty-five years of drawing breath, I have come to realise that God has been safeguarding me,
protecting me from the outside individuals.
Many people who have crossed me in the past
have come to suffer their own worse fates years later.
For example, some poor people had their noodz maliciously uploaded.
I mean, don't say I didn't warn you about others who possess malicious intents who may want to expose your shame to the rest of the world for the thrill and sadistic pleasure of it.
Others I had wanted to get to know, but beyond the superficial, adulterated pictures, they didn't look as good as pictorially presented, not to mention their lacking character.

Sigh......

I feel indeed very blessed. Sometimes I get these weird dreams and I find myself experiencing déjà vu more than less in real life... Just yesterday, something like that happened but now I can't really remember what exactly was similar to what I had dreamt before. Was it sitting at the hotel chairs?

I hope to have many opportunities to strike it rich in future =] be they in academia or entertainment. I have a mouth that needs to be run!
A wit to be exploited, a charisma to infect others with.

Oh well......

Thanks mummy and papa for visiting me in Bangkok too in the last week of January. I hope you enjoyed the places I brought you to and the new experiences. I'm sorry for the missing cash...... :'(

Samuel

Labels: 2018, thailand

Twelfth Post

I dreamt that I went back to Singapore. Unfortunately, I was mad at my mom because she changed Thai baht for me at a lousy rate......
I also dreamt that I lost some of my teeth. Geez, you know those dreams, right? You spent time fixing your teeth and then they're damaged because maybe someone punched you or because of some accident. That's just permanent disfigurement and a load of pain to restore what was lost.

I swiped someone on Tinder more than a year ago and I just got to meet him when he visited Bangkok! ^^
It's just marvelous how someone can have such good genes. His face was just FLAWLESS.
We had Chu Chocolate Bar and Restaurant near Chong Nonsi BTS station... and then we went to JJ Green with another friend of his, Dexter.

Alas, the memories of Max and Sphinx came flooding back.

It was raining the day we went to Chatuchak. We had wanted to visit the Weekend Market but it was pouring, and we went in the late afternoon, so we settled for JJ Green which was a night market near the Weekend Market. In our time there, we had some nice food which the three of us shared:

I bought some yum mama (instant noodles cooked in a sweet-sour-spicy style) while Max bought this fried ice-cream


Max also bought some lego to build two Pokémon. We spent the morning fixing it amidst strewn pubic hair on the floor LOL


Alas, it was the Sunday Max had to leave to spend time with his father. I cooked some scrambled eggs for him, P'Tew and Sphinx


I couldn't believe it. Max was the first Singaporean friend to visit me after I've touched down in Bangkok. I spent so much time using Singlish with him that he invoked in me my Singaporean spirit, and now that he had to leave me alone dangling.................................. it was too much to bear. Not to mention how Sphinx acted kind of like my actions were unappreciated.
I just broke down and cried.
I couldn't stop...... why? Why did you have to leave me?
Why must I be alone again?
...... I guess that's the price one pays for studying abroad.
I sobbed and tried to breathe while Sphinx sat and comforted me. I didn't reveal, though, that he was part of the reason why I was tearing.

........................... I'm good at confronting people for the wrongs they've done, but not when it deals with my emotions. Hais

Anyway, Sphinx accompanied me until the Monday to take care of me and spend time with me. I was lucky to not be alone. Alas...... he had to leave too, eventually.

While I'm on the topic of Max's visit to Bangkok before his patriotic incarceration national obligations, here are some pictures taken from the album by Sphinx and me while Max was here:

Penne with pesto at Chu

Sphinx took this photo. What I was doing was actually hiding my sadness because I felt hurt by the lack of appreciation. Perhaps it looked nice, nonetheless.


We went to the Bangkok Art and Culture Centre one day. I had a bag along which I could not bring into the exhibition area, so I told Sphinx and Max to go on ahead while I sat outside. Sphinx very kindly took pictures and sent them to me so that I could partake in the viewing of the exhibitions. It was a verryyy, verrrrryyyyyyy nice gesture =]


One night, we were all at Silom (I think after coming back from JJ Green). Max stopped along the pavement to buy some greeting cards with foldings. Guess who took this picture? ;)

Luckily for us who had no idea what to do next, we stumbled upon this very beautiful cat cafe called Cat Up Café [ which has unfortunately closed down last November ;( ]


Waffles as the entry fee. It was quite affordable and also delicious ^^


Sphinx with a kitty cat

Aww, the cat fell asleep in his lap ^^


Guess who snapped this peekchure? ;) featuring Max's พุง







Yea. That's about it. It was nice while it lasted......

Samuel

Labels: 2018, dreams, iwnwil, outing, sad, thailand

Eleventh Post

It's a new year
yet I feel fear
the heavy workloads loom
foreshadowing mental doom

Lately my mind has been in a state of dread
a state of depression, a sombre sad
the temporal memories of joy always lead
to an eventual realisation, an emotional seed
sown into the dirt of my mind
fertile with hurt and dejection over time
soon the shoot will sprout, grey leaves will grow
developing into a hollow tree while the roots reach low
seasoned it bears fruit, a throbbing flesh of pain
better to be pecked by crows than feel again
but the circle of life forgives not
the undigested feelings fall back onto the soil, not rot
watered with lonely tears, warmed in mire
the air of gloom brings life to the fire
singeing my nerves, charring my walls,
choked by regrets, sorrow and all
the thoughts of everything that transpired
immolated my crimson chamber, the will to respire
into ashes
so life dashes
dispersed by the winds of time
as I fade out of existence




Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually cut out for further studies in Linguistics.
It seems like I'm a perpetual letdown. I let the teachers who wrote my recommendation letters down. I let these Thai lecturers down. I let my family and friends down. I let myself down.
I even let God down.

All because of one person I let myself become so attached to. Yes, I am acknowledging my problem.

Never had I spent a birthday alone. I was cooped up at home all day. In the last six hours of 4th Jan, I went to sleep and dreamt. I was accompanied more in my dreams than in reality.

Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from my ex. I should just dispose of all the belongings left behind in my house, so that I would not have to be constantly reminded of that person.
I would not have to be constantly haunted by thoughts of that person.
After all, a unilateral decision was made to ignore me regardless of the state of maturity.
Perhaps it's for the best since I'm trying to interact with more females now. In view of this, perhaps I should not indulge in this myopic depression.
I don't know......

Samuel

Labels: 2018, disappointment, thailand

Sixth Post

Hello!

I'm currently in Bangkok because I got to sit for an entrance exam at Chulalongkorn University LATER at 9 am... LOL

The amount of preparation for this test: probably 4%? Like 死 percent.

So far I've met Butter, Fifa, Wut, Prem, Pim and Wayap ^.^ Yesterday (5th May), I got to go to the Bang Kae district which is like Western Bangkok... totally inaccessible by mass transportation. Thankfully Pim drove Wayap and me around ^_^

In the land of ปัดไม่หมด, whenever I typed "What's up ;)", it's like I'm totally ignored. I mean, don't Thais know what "What's up?" means? It's as if it's a "Hi" to them when it really should be a "How are you?" or "What are you doing?".

FRUSTRATING :@


Another thing is the place I'm putting up as is very nice, but there seems to be a major communication breakdown between me and the host. I'm a guest after all, and I've yet to observe enough care in hosting me. Despite assuring me that he would be at home all the time and thus there is no need to make another key to his apartment, I have been made to wait for him downstairs at the lobby just so that I could finally have access to his apartment when I came back from outside. Besides this, if I were expecting my guest to be waiting at the lobby and I found that he wasn't there when I returned, I would have messaged him to ask where he was. Coupled with my shitty Thai and slow processing of Thai speech! I tried making conversation with him a few times, but he seems to be a man of few words.

To be fair, he had been very nice to accommodate me literally and also my retarded communication with him. I am a picky eater and always consider my food's value-for-money index, and he had to wait for me to decide on what food to have on my first night. He also seemed to show more attention and care just one hour ago. Maybe he's having a bad day. I don't know.


Another thing is some retrospection of myself. Surely, the number of good-looking people and the extent of good looks in Thailand are much higher and larger. Witnessing and even interacting with some made me realise how inept I am aesthetically, especially when I'm putting on more and more weight. I ponder what other I can offer -- my wit, personality, intellect? When I meet good-looking people, I feel very, very demoralised inside because if superficiality played a major role in one's relationship, I think I am not really able to sustain it. This drives me to wish for some nice woman to come into my life further, to just lead me onto another path free from all those insecurities and pain......
Well, I'm probably at the age where I am seriously contemplating my future socially. I can't remain unmarried up to my thirties. It'd be horrible.

..........................................................................................................................................

I did see a very pretty woman selling fruits yesterday morning at the market :) sigh...............



Samuel

Labels: 2017, thailand